Nesting Journal Entry #4

So about now, I’m feeling pretty ready. And that’s not really because I have more checked off on my “to do” list. It’s more because I’m feeling the waves of peace and clarity that the mental preparation has brought to me. The knowledge that only so much is in my control. And that “so much” happens to be very little. The peace that surrounds me when I realize God will be right there throughout every little moment of labor and postpartum. And of course the excitement that I have to meet our child. There’s something about pregnancy that makes you feel close to your child, but also like they’re one big mystery. I guess that’s the definition of a miracle. 

I’ve begun to let go of being so hard on myself. The “you should’ve” voice in my head that has said things like: 

“You should’ve worked out more and stayed stricter with your eating habits.” 

“You should’ve spent more time pitching for potential gigs postpartum.” 

“You should’ve taken another baby class to prepare for motherhood. You’ve never even changed a diaper before.”

That voice is pretty mean, and it most likely comes from the fact that I had zero clue that pregnancy would be in the slightest bit difficult. I truly thought, if I had morning sickness, I might “throw up a couple of times in the morning and be fine otherwise.” I thought the “fatigue” was just an excuse some women had. I thought I would be jogging, lifting, singing and thriving all the same. I thought that since I had been so healthy before pregnancy that the actual pregnancy would be a breeze. Feeling like myself, but with a bump! Oh no... In fact, I’ve read that there are studies with evidence to support that if you have a very healthy thyroid, you’re almost sure to have horrible morning sickness symptoms. I suppose every pregnancy is different, and with the right expectations, I could have very different experiences in the future. 

However, just because I slowed down, doesn’t mean I “lost ground.” I had a performance year I can be proud of. I clarified my career priorities. Even if I don’t have gigs lined up, I have the confidence to know that I’ll get back to it, and most importantly, I know where I’m going with it. 

While I didn’t stay on my strict health regimen that I had been on pre-pregnancy, I did manage to keep my blood sugar under control, and I didn’t give in to every craving. And when I got over those aversions (it took me QUITE a while), I was back to eating 80% whole, nourishing foods. No more cereal. Everyone has it so different with food and aversions during pregnancy, and I’m just grateful I got back to some semblance of a “balanced" diet. Not everyone can. I wasn’t able to workout like I thought. The round ligament pain made jogs or even longer walks excruciating. However, I stayed on my feet most days, and with this last burst of energy late in my third trimester, I am enjoying some light workouts at the gym while I still have my mornings to myself. I also have a goal to do some sort of organized run in 2025. Even if it’s the one mile turkey trot, I can’t wait to be part of something and have something to work towards!

I took a few pregnancy/baby classes through insurance, but the longer ones were focused on labor and lactation. I took a grandparent’s class with my mom, but I thought, “maybe I should take a “baby basics” course.” Without any time left to sign up, I did the next best thing. I bought a book and shut off the noise from all the Instagram reels that deliver a LOT of conflicting information. The best part is that the book can be used as a resource with an index, so I won’t be running to google first. The book is “What To Expect: The First Year.”

The point of all this is to say, I didn’t do everything right. I didn’t do everything I expected. BUT, I did my best, and I’ll continue to do that. And I couldn’t imagine giving myself a better perspective going into motherhood. 

By the way! Speaking of enjoying time to myself on maternity leave before our baby is here, I went to the thrift stores the other day and filmed a haul for you guys! Leave a comment on the video and let me know what your favorite item is that I picked up!