An Interview With Mom — Melody & Grit

Happy Mother’s Day! I’ve been at home in Pittsburgh for the duration of this quarantine, and while this situation is not ideal for anyone, I have been enjoying this time with my parents. I’m trying to spend it wisely and connect with them as much as possible. I sat down with my mom the other night and asked her some things that I have always wanted her perspective on.

My mom had a challenging childhood and young adulthood. She overcame tremendous circumstances, and I hope I can display half as much perseverance and endurance as her. I hope you find some insight in her answers as well. She knows a thing or two about a thing or two.

Her advice for hard times…

It might sound cliche and oversimplified, but it works. Someone always has it worse than you. Your empathy for others can often make the burden of your own pain less. When you’re feeling low about your situation...when it’s really, truly bad and you don’t have any control over it. What really helps? If you tell yourself there are people that have it worse than you. And you have to think about the people that actually do have it worse than you. When I was a teenager and at the whim of my parents, things weren’t easy. My dad would be laid off or we were just struggling at the time. I would think about a friend of mine, who had it worse than me. If she could do it, if she can be happy, if she can stand the pain--- I can withstand this. Years later we talked about it, and she said there were plenty of times when she felt sorry for me. It does help you, not to necessarily feel sorry for someone. However, even if things are bad and they are out of your control, it helps to know that there are other people, and they’re doing okay. And you’re going to be okay too. Nothing lasts forever. Things do change. You’re not alone, and the perseverance of others can inspire you.

Her favorite jobs in her 20s…

I am very shy. I’m outgoing once you get to know me. At first, though, I’m very awkward and shy. Bartending at Sunny Jim’s helped me a lot to put myself out there to people and be friendly. People actually wanted to see my personality and it was a way to let that out. I made enough money that I wasn’t struggling as much. I wasn’t starving anymore. If anything else, the money. Working at the Gateway Clipper was so fun though. It opened my eyes. We met all kinds of people. From all over the city. Across the river. Heck, there were people from all over the world we would meet. And I saw that there was more than my neighborhood.

Introvert or Extrovert…

I don’t think I can be in a box like that. I never analyzed it like that. When I was your age, I had friends, I liked going out. I loved meeting new people, but I didn’t think about it as priority. I was just surviving. So being an extrovert or introvert depended on where I was, and still does really. Back then, if I was at work, I was an extrovert. If I wanted to go out, I just wanted to blow off steam with friends. So I was more of an introvert in that situation. My personal time was my personal time. Not unfriendly, just uninterested. I was trying to have fun, because life was hard.

Going out in Pittsburgh…

Big Cat Pat’s on Northside. It was a pretty rough place, but I always liked it there. I liked to go to Kangaroo’s, but it was expensive. They had a good DJ, and I loved to dance. We liked Three D’s, which was super cheap. It was down McKees Rocks. I went out with my sisters for the most part.

A few words on female intuition…

I would practice trusting my first instinct. My gut feelings. You run into a lot of shady characters along the way, and you have to trust yourself. There’s nothing you can say, there’s nothing you can explain it with. If someone says, “why don’t you like that person?” you shouldn’t be able to explain it, because you’re operating on your first instinct. “I don’t know, it's just a feeling.” No one is entitled to your time and attention. If a situation doesn’t feel right, if you have a danger signal, tune into that and get the hell out of there. If you ignore it, you lose the ability. As a mother, I hope I’ve pushed you to trust yourself and stick up for yourself.